last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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