I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
