Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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