i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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