So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
