i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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