She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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