So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
