did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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