im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
