You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
