the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
