I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
