So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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