I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
