he thought i was a dude.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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