she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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