just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
