After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
