i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
