Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
