We won't sleep together?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
