Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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