1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
