Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My vagina just recognized that song.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
