How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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