i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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