I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
