That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
