He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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