My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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