new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
