The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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