Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
