somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
