I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
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