I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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