not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
