I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
