This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
