I'm laying in your front yard are you home
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
