PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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