My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Randomize
