just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
