So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
