Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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