Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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