john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Randomize
