Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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