4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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