Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
