The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The ass gains better be worth it
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