Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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