I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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