you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
