i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
