people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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