toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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