i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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